To Keep a Promise
by OliviaLuvsLambs
Summary: I promised I would never leave him. I promised I would never forget him. I promised I would never let him lose himself. To keep one promise, I must kill him. (AU Hunter X Hunter Fanfic/KilluaXOC)
1. Low, Low, Low

**Guardians are made to protect Vampirs.** Those words are drilled into the minds of all Guardians from the time they are born. For those who do choose this path, to differ means certain death.

Vampirs are born wielding one of the six main elements; Fire, Ice, Storm, Myth, Life, and Death. Magic was gifted to Vampirs to protect themselves. _Only_ to protect themselves.

Some decided to take it to the next level. They raided the streets of human cities, killing innocent civilians and taking control, craving dominance. Yet at the same time, these Vampirs had lost control. They were savage beasts, said to have glowing red eyes and pale faces. They had abused their magic and lost themselves to power. These were called Jinns.

The remaining Vampirs streamed together, and attacked the Jinns, attempting to win the human race their world back and melting into anonymity as they always had.

The Jinns, however, were stronger. Their lust for power had made them stronger, faster, and more agile. However, the Vampirs noticed they could no longer use the magic that they had been gifted with.

Some Vampirs were struck down, but rose again, reborn as Jinns.

The remaining Vampirs fled, hiding in all corners of the world. Some decided to blend in with the humans and lead normal lives. However, despite their efforts, something new was born. When a Vampir and a human created a child, that child was not human, nor was it a Vampir.

This child was not gifted with magic. This child was strong, agile, quick, and clever.

This child was born to protect Vampirs.

This child was born to be a Guardian.

This child was to always put Vampirs ahead, and so were many more.

* * *

_**Character Bio**_**:**

Name: **Shitsuki Nakano**

Age: 18

Occupation: Kobe Academy Student (Vampir)

Talent/Skills: Life User

Height: 5'5

Weight: 47kg

Hair Colour: Dark brown

Eye Colour: Dark brown (Almost black)

* * *

Name: **Hitomi Nara **(Tomi)

Age: 18

Occupation: Kobe Acamedy Student (Vampir)

Talent/Skills: Myth User

Height: 5'4

Weight: 44kg

Hair Colour: Light Blonde

Eye Colour: Blue

* * *

Name: **Killua Zoldyck**

Age: 22

Occupation: Kobe Academy Graduate (Guardian)

Talent/Skills: Immense physical strength, speed, stamina, and quick-thinking

Height: 6'1

Weight: 71kg

Hair Colour: Silver

Eye Colour: Blue

* * *

Name: **Raiden Moto**

Age: 21

Occupation: Kobe Academy Graduate (Vampir)

Talent/Skills: Fire User

Height: 6'3

Weight: 66kg

Hair Colour: Dirty Blonde

Eye Colour: Green

* * *

**Shitsuki's Abilities: **

_Auras_\- Not necessarily offence or defense. She can see the person's "aura" or spirit floating around them like mist. The colour identifies the person's mood or intent.

_Healing- _By placing her hands on the wounded area, she can transfer her well-intended spirit into the other person, healing any poison, and internal or external wounds.

_Compulsion_\- Can compel someone to do or say something in her favor. (Example: compelling someone to say positive things about her to another person.)

-Can plant a thought in their mind, literally compelling them to think that way. (Example: compelling someone to see the benefits of a situation, while making them oblivious to the negatives.)

-Can make someone see or believe something is there, even feeling the object. (Example: knowing someone has a fear of spiders, and making them feel as if there are spiders crawling all over them.)

* * *

I stood in front of Raiden's door, knocked, and took a deep breath

We hadn't had classes since the attack, but our normal curfew hours were still in effect, and it was almost bedtime. Raiden's face registered complete and utter shock when he saw me. It was the first time that I ever sought him out, rather than vice versa.

"Little Vampir," he mused, stepping aside. "Come in."

I did, and was nearly overwhelmed by the smell of alcohol as I passed him. The Academy's guest housing was nice, but he clearly hadn't done much to keep his suite clean. I had a feeling he'd probably been drinking non-stop since the attack. The TV was on, and a small table by the couch held a half empty bottle of vodka. I picked it up and read the label.

"Bad time?" I asked, setting it back down.

"Never a bad time for you," he told me gallantly. His face looked haggard. He was still as good-looking as ever, but there were dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't been sleeping well. He waved me toward an armchair and sat down on the couch. "Haven't seen much of you."

"I haven't want to be seen," I admitted.

I'd hardly spoken to anyone since the attack. I'd spent most of my time by myself or with Tomi. I took comfort from being around her, but we hadn't said much, She understood that I needed to process things and had simply been there for me, not pushing me on things I didn't want to talk about- even though there were a dozen things she wanted to ask.

The Academy's dead had been honored in one group memorial service, although their families had made arrangements for each person's respective funeral. I'd gone to the larger service. The chapel had been packed, with standing room only. Father Andrew had read the names of the dead, listing Killua among them. No one was talking about what had really happened to him. There was too much other grief anyway. We were drowning in it. No one even knew how the Academy would pick up the pieces and start running again.

"You look worse than I do," I told Raiden. "I didn't think that was possible."

After lying in bed for five days straight, sobbing my eyes out and being depressed, I finally made a decision. A decision I would stick to.

He brought the bottle to his lips and took a long drink. "Nah, you always look good."

"C'mon, I know I don't look _nearly_ as attractive as usual. For me… well, it's hard to explain. The auras are getting to me. There's so much sorrow around here. You can't even begin to understand. It radiates from everyone on a spiritual level. It's overwhelming," I sighed.

"I guess it's the same for me, even though I'm not a Life User and can't _see_ people's auras. I just wanna get away from all the sadness," he replied.

"Is that why you're drinking?"

"Yup." He offered me the bottle, and I shook my head. He shrugged and took another drink. "So what can I do for you, Shitsuki? I have a feeling you aren't here to check on me."

He was right, and I only felt a little bad about what I was here for. I'd done a lot of thinking this last week. Processing my grief for Killua had been hard. In fact, I hadn't even really quite resolved it . After all, more than just him had been lost. Teachers had died, Guardians and Vampirs alike. None of my close friends had died, but people I knew from classes had. They'd been students at the Academy as long as I had, and it was weird to think I'd never see them again. That was a lot of loss to deal with, a lot of people to say goodbye to.

But... Killua. He was a different case. After all, how did you say goodbye to someone who wasn't exactly gone? That was the problem.

"I need money," I told Raiden, not bothering with pretense.

He arched an eyebrow. "Unexpected. From you, at least. I get that kind of request a lot from others. Pray tell, what would I be funding?"

I glanced away from him, focusing on the television. It was a commercial for some kind of deodorant.

"I'm leaving the Academy," I said finally.

"Also unexpected. You're only a few months out from graduation."

I met his eyes. "It doesn't matter. I have things to do now."

"I never figured you'd be one of the dropouts."

"I told you. I have things I have to take care of."

He arched an eyebrow. "Things that are going to get you into trouble?"

I shrugged. He laughed.

"Stupid question, huh? Everything you do gets you in trouble." He propped his elbow up on the couch's arm and rested his chin in his hand. "Why'd you come to me for money?"

"Because you have it."

This also made him laugh. "And why do you think I'll give it to you?"

I didn't say anything. I just looked at him, forcing as much womanly charm as I could into my expression. His smile went away, and his green eyes narrowed in frustration. He jerked his gaze away.

"Damn it, Shi. Don't do that. Not now. You're playing on how I feel about you. That's not fair." He gulped more vodka.

He was right. I'd come to him because I thought I could use his crush to get what I wanted. It was low, but I had no choice. Getting up, I moved over and sat beside him. I held his hand.

"Please, Raiden," I said. "Please help me. You're the only one I can go to."

"That's not fair," he repeated, slurring his words a little. "You're using those come-hither eyes on me, but it's not me you want. It's never been me. It's always been Zoldyck, and God only knows what you'll do now that he's gone."

He was right about that too. "Will you help me?" I asked, still playing up the charisma. "You're the only one I could talk to ... the only one who really understands me..."

"Are you coming back?" he countered.

"Eventually."

Tipping his head back, he exhaled a heavy breath. His hair, which I'd always thought looked stylishly messy, simply looked messy today. "Maybe it's for the best if you leave. Maybe you'll get over him faster if you go away for a while. Wouldn't hurt to be away from everything."

My seduction faltered for a moment.

Raiden sighed. "Why is everything so complicated with you?"

"Will you help me? Please, Raiden?" I ran my fingers along his hand. "Please help me." Low, low, low. This was so low of me, but it didn't matter. Only Killua did.

Finally, Raiden looked back at me. For the first time ever, he looked vulnerable. "When you come back, will you give me a fair shot?"

I hid my surprise. "What do you mean?"

"It's like I said. You've never wanted me, never even considered me. The flowers I gave you, the flirting… it rolled right off you. You were so gone for him, and nobody noticed. If you go do your thing, will you take me seriously? Will you give me a chance when you return?"

I stared. I definitely hadn't expected this. My initial instinct was to say no, that I could never love anybody again, that my heart had been shattered along with that piece of my soul that Killua held. But Raiden was looking at me so earnestly, and there was none of his joking nature. He meant what he said, and I realized all the affection for me he'd always teased about hadn't been a joke either. Tomi had been right when she'd told me about his feelings.

"Will you?" he repeated.

"Of course." Not an honest answer, but a necessary one.

Raiden looked away and drank more vodka. There wasn't much left. "When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

Setting the bottle down, he stood up and walked off into the bedroom. He returned with a large stack of cash. I wondered if he kept it under his bed or something. He handed it to me wordlessly and then picked up the phone and made some calls. The sun was up, and the human world, which handled most rich Vampirs' money, was also up and awake.

I tried to watch TV while he talked, but I couldn't concentrate.

When he finally finished his calls, Raiden handed me a piece of paper. It had the name and address of a bank in New York.

"Go there," he said. "I'm guessing you'll have to go to there anyway if you're actually going to go anywhere civilized. There's an account set up for you with… a lot of money in it. Talk to them, and they'll finish the paperwork with you."

I stood up and stuffed the bills in my jacket. "Thank you," I said.

Without hesitating, I reached out and hugged him. The scent of vodka was overpowering, but I felt I owed him. I was taking advantage of his feelings for me in order to further my own devices. He put his arms around me and held me for several seconds before letting go. I brushed my lips against his cheek as we broke apart, and I thought he might stop breathing.

"I won't forget this," I murmured in his ear.

"I don't suppose you'll tell me where you're going?" he asked.

"No," I said. "I'm sorry."

"Just keep your promise and come back."

"I didn't actually use the word promise," I pointed out.

He smiled and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "You're right. I'm going to miss you, little Vampir. Be careful. If you ever need anything, let me know. I'll be waiting for you."

I thanked him again and left, not bothering to tell him he might be waiting a long time. There was a very real possibility that I might not be coming back.

* * *

**Life User- **The rarest of the elements that a Vampir can be gifted with. This element is the weakest in terms of physical offence. Every user interprets their spirit differently, which has an effect on their abilities.

**Death User- **Physical attacks are not that strong. Skills include: the ability to posses one with your own mind, making them do as you please, the ability to suck someone's energy out of their own body and implanting it in your own, etc.

**Myth User- **Uses an immense amount of energy. Skills include: the ability to conjure or summon a creature and use it to attack or defend, or conducting a spell to amplify their own attack, or weaken the effects of another's attack.

**Storm User- **The strongest of all the elements. Skills include: the ability to cause a large storm, such at a tornado, hurricane, or tsunami, large-scale or small-scale. Can also control all water in the area.

**Fire User- **The ability to create fire at will, and use it to create barriers, or to attack.

**Ice User- **The ability to create ice to forge weapons or barriers, and to make any water nearby into ice. Also have control over all snow and can create snowstorms, (similar to Storm, but Storm users have no control over snow.)

* * *

**A/N**

**I was curious to see how it would work out if I created an AU Fanfiction. Let me know through reviews or Private Messages if you see and holes in my story so far :3**

**Don't worry, there will be a lot of explaining in the next chapter, (The attack, where Killua is and what happened to him, etc.)**

**Also, Vampir is pronounced VAM-PER. Not Vampire, lol.**

**Thanks for reading if you got this far! XOXO**

**-Olivia**


	2. The Attack

_***Previously***_

_"I won't forget this," I murmured in his ear._

_"I don't suppose you'll tell me where you're going?" he asked._

_"No," I said. "I'm sorry."_

_"Just keep your promise and come back."_

_"I didn't actually use the word promise," I pointed out._

_He smiled and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "You're right. I'm going to miss you, little Vampir. Be careful. If you ever need anything, let me know. I'll be waiting for you."_

_I thanked him again and left, not bothering to tell him he might be waiting a long time. There was a very real possibility that I might not be coming back._

* * *

**Chapter 2**

_**The Attack**_

_The whole world was still. At this time of night, there were no birds or anything, but it seemed quieter than usual. Even the wind had fallen silent. Killua stared at me, confused._

"_Shi, what is it?" he looked at me in concern, placing a hand on my shoulder. We stood in the forest outside the school. I had come to his room, begging a late night walk just before curfew. I felt as if I needed fresh air, but the sickness I felt had only gotten worse. _

_The nausea and prickling I felt increased._

_Then, I knew._

"_Killua!" I said urgently, feeling my stomach drop. "There are Jinns on cam-"_

_Too late._

_Killua and I saw him at the same time, but Killua was closer. _

_Pale face. Red eyes._

_The Jinn swooped towards us, and I could almost imagine he was flying, just like the legends used to say. But Killua was just as fast and nearly as strong. He had his stake in his hand and met the Jinn's attack. I think the Jinn had hoped for the element of surprise. _

_They grappled, and for a moment they seemed suspended in time, neither gaining ground on each other. Then Killua's hand snaked out, plunging the stake into the Jinn's heart. _

_Red eyes widened in surprise, and the Jinn's body crumpled to the ground._

_Killua turned to me to make sure I was all right, and a thousand silent messages passed between us. He then turned away and scanned the woods, peering into the darkness. _

_My nausea had increased. I could sense the Jinns around us. My Life Specialist teacher had told me that this was another ability a life user could develop over time. That was what was making me feel sick._

_Killua turned back to me, and there was a look I'd never seen in his eyes. _

_"Shitsuki. Listen to me. Run. Run as fast and as hard as you can back to your dorm. Tell the Guardians." _

_I nodded. There was no questioning here. _

_Reaching out, he gripped my upper arm, gaze locked on me to make sure I understood his next words. _

_"Do not stop," he said. "No matter what you hear, no matter what you see, do not stop. Not until you've warned the others. Don't stop unless you're directly confronted. Do you understand?" _

_I nodded again. He released his hold. "Tell them __**arashi**__."_

_I nodded again._

_"Run. I love you." _

_I ran. _

_I didn't look back. I didn't ask what he was going to do because I already knew. He was going to stop as many Jinns as he could so that I could get help. And a moment later, I heard grunts and hits that told me he'd found another._

_For only a heartbeat, I let myself worry about him. If he died, I was certain I would too. But then I let it go. I couldn't just think about one person, not when hundreds of lives were depending on me. _

_There were Jinns at our school. It was impossible. It couldn't happen. _

_My feet hit the ground hard, splashing through the slush and mud. Around me, I thought I could hear voices and shapes. But nothing stopped me._

_The dorm appeared before me, about half its windows lit. It was near curfew; people were going to bed._

_I burst in through the doors, feeling like my heart was going to explode from the exertion. The first person I saw was Gon, a Guardian on duty. He was one of the strongest Guardians the Acamedy had. He always stood guard inside our dorm, and I'd had multiple conversations with him before. I knew he was one of Killua's best friends and was a great partner to him in battle._

_I was so, so, lucky. He could go out and help Killua!_

_I nearly knocked him over. He caught my wrists to steady me. _

_"Shitsuki, wh—" _

_"Jinns," I gasped out. "There are Jinns on campus." _

_He stared at me, and for the first time I'd ever seen, his mouth seriously dropped open. Then, he recovered himself, and I could immediately see what he was thinking; I was crazy. "Shitsuki, I don't know what you're-" _

_"I'm not crazy!" I screamed. Everyone in the dorm's lobby was staring at us. "They're out there! They're out there, and Killua is fighting them alone. You have to help him." What had Killua told me? What was that word? "__**Arashi**__! He said to tell you arashi!" _

_And like that, Gon was gone. _

_I had never seen any drills for Jinn attacks, yet the guardians must have conducted them. Things moved too fast for them not to have. _

_Every Guardian in the dorm, whether they'd been on duty or not, was in the lobby in a matter of minutes. Calls were made._

_I stood in a semicircle with other novice and senior Vampirs, who watched the adult Guardians organize themselves with amazing efficiency. _

_All of the dorms had their normal Guardian protection, as well as some defenses, like gratings on all of the first-floor windows. Things like that wouldn't keep Jinns out, but they would slow them down. No one had ever done much more than that. There'd been no need, not with the wards. _

_The wards. How had they been stricken down? They were supposed to keep all Jinns out, and could only be opened from the inside, using a silver stake…_

_The head of the Guardians, Netero, had joined the group and was sending out parties throughout campus. Some were sent to secure buildings. Some were hunting parties, specifically seeking out Jinns and trying to figure out how many were around. As the Guardians thinned out, I stepped forward. _

_"What should we do?" I asked. _

_Netero turned to me. His eyes swept over me and the other Vampirs standing behind me, ages ranging from fourteen to just a little older than me. Something flashed across his face. Sadness, I thought. _

_"You stay here in the dorm," he said. "No one can leave- the whole campus is under lockdown. Go to the highest floor. There are Guardians there organizing you into groups. The Jinns are less likely to get up there from the outside. If they get in on this floor..." he scanned around us, at the door and windows being monitored. He shook his head. "Well, we'll deal with that." _

_"I can help," I told him. _

"_No." he looked at me sternly. "Absolutely not. It is our job to protect you. Go upstairs."_

_I started to protest, but then he did something really astonishing. He reached inside his coat and handed me a silver stake. A real one. _

_"Go on," he said. "I'm giving you this for protection. Take care of the rest, alright?"_

_I started to turn away but then paused. "What does arashi mean?"_

_"Storm," he said softly. "It's Japanese for 'storm.'" _

_I led the others up the stairs, directing them to the top floor. Most were terrified, which was perfectly understandable. A few of them-the older ones in particular-looked like I felt. They wanted to do something, anything to help. And I knew that they were deadly in their own way. I pulled a couple of them aside. _

_"Keep the younger ones from panicking," I said in a low voice. "And stay on watch. If something happens to the adult Guardians downstairs, it'll be up to us." _

_Their faces were sober, and they nodded at my directions. _

_I suddenly remembered._

_Killua._

_I ran back downstairs. I heard someone call, "Hey!" from behind me, but I couldn't care less._

_Someone had to help Killua._

_I slipped through the Guardians silently while they were creating strategies and out of the dorm. I gasped. There were Jinns everywhere. _

_Adult Guardians clashed with them, and my head started to pound from seeing all the blood and hearing the sounds of screams from all sides._

_I saw Gon finish off a Jinn and ran towards him desperately._

"_Gon!" I cried, grabbing his arm and pulling him away towards the dorm. He looked at me like I was a child, just bothering him. He didn't push me away, though, afraid of hurting me, probably._

"_Shitsuki! You should be inside! It's dangero-"_

"_Killua!" I screamed, shaking him. Despite my efforts, I could tell he wasn't paying attention to me. He scanned the battlefield systematically, looking for somewhere to join in and help. I shook him harder._

"_Killua! You have to help him! He's over that way!"_

_Gon started to pull away from me, but I held on to him. Tears started running down my face. "Please!"_

_Gon turned to me. He looked annoyed, but his expression softened when he saw my face. I could tell he knew now. He knew I loved Killua._

"_Killua is a great Guardian. I know him well. He's perfectly fine. I believe in him," Gon said to me. _

"_Get back inside. Now." He said, pushing me towards the dorm, "Killua wouldn't want you getting hurt, now would he?"_

_I walked back inside and up to where the other Vampirs were. There was nothing I could do, except believe that Killua was fine._

_I knew he was strong, and one of the best Guardians. I'd even watched him take out a Jinn._

_He would be fine. I'd see him again._

_Restless, after a couple more hours, I stood up and walked out of the dorm, hoping I could catch a glimpse of Killua to assure my pounding heart he was alive. No one really noticed me as I slipped through the dorm and outside. All of the Guardians who were inside stationed near the windows and doors were gone. Strange…. _

_I heard yelling near the forest and decided to check there first. _

_I stood in front of the forest, and heard grunts and sounds of hitting inside. It was dangerous, but… _

_Moments later, I saw I group of five Guardians tearing out of the forest. A woman with flaming red hair led the way. Behind her, another man. Behind him… Killua!_

_Killua looked at me, eyes wide. He was probably wondering what I was doing, standing like a dumbass. Our eyes locked, and I smiled, tears forming in my eyes. He had made it._

_I felt a nauseous feeling building in the pit of my stomach and gasped._

"_Wai-!" _

_Again, my warning was too late. But this time, none of the Guardians saw it coming._

_Three Jinns jumped out from on top of a tree. I hadn't noticed. _

_It all happened so fast; no one could have reacted in time. One of the Jinns grabbed the red-haired woman, his mouth and fangs going for her neck. I heard a strangled scream and saw blood everywhere. _

_Another Jinn went for the man in front of Killua, but I tore my eyes away. _

_Killua._

_The third Jinn grabbed Killua. In all the time I'd known him, I'd never seen Killua falter. He was always faster, always stronger than everyone else. Not this time. _

_This Jinn had caught him by surprise, and that slight edge was all it had taken. _

_I stared. I couldn't move. My mind screamed at me, "MOVE. GO. IT'S KILLUA."_

_But I couldn't move._

_The Jinn grabbed Killua and pulled him to the ground. They clashed, strength against strength, and then I saw fangs sink into Killua's neck. The Jinn's red eyes flicked up and made contact with my own. _

_I heard another scream—this time, it was my own. _

_Another Guardian ran toward Killua, aiming to help him, but then five more Jinns appeared. _

_It was chaos. _

_I couldn't see Killua anymore; I couldn't see what had happened to him. Indecision flashed over the remaining two Guardians' features as they tried to decide to flee or fight, and then, regret all over their faces, they kept running toward me and away from the Jinns, outnumbered. Meanwhile, I could finally move. I was trying to run inside to Killua, but someone was stopping me._

_"What are you doing? More are coming," said one of the two Guardians that had fled. _

_Didn't he understand? Killua was in there. I had to get Killua. _

_"We have to get out of here!" he yelled, dragging me back._

_"He's in there!" I screamed, straining as hard as I could. "Killua's in there! We have to go back for him! We can't leave him!" _

_I was rambling, hysterical, shouting at them all that we had to go rescue Killua. The man shook me hard and leaned close so there were only a couple inches between us. _

_"He is dead! We can't go back in there. We need back up."_

_I could see the Jinns finishing off the remaining Guardians. I knew they would come for me next._

_And yet, I still couldn't take a step. I couldn't stop staring at the forest, back where Killua was, back where half of my soul was. He couldn't be dead. If he was, then surely I would be dead too. _

_The man slapped me, the pain snapping me out of my daze. _

_"Run!" he yelled at me. "He is dead! I will not let you join him! We have to protect you!"_

_I remembered Killua saying he'd rather die than see me dead. And if I stood there stupidly, letting the Jinns get me, I'd fail him. _

_"Run!" the man yelled again._

_Tears streaming down my face, I ran._

* * *

_It was my fault he'd wasted his life._

_It was my fault he was gone._

_It was my fault._

* * *

I shot up from my bed, my face streaked with tears. A dream. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a dream.

After the attack, when all Guardians' dead bodies were accounted for, I was told that Killua's body was not found. They had even checked the area where the Jinn struck him down. There was no sign of him.

He was the only one not found.

Occasionally, Jinns took some Vampirs or Guardians back to turn them. Turn them into Jinns.

I was devastated when I heard the news. Killua was a Jinn. Killua was evil.

Everyone told me that sacrifices had to be made, that many lives had been saved because of his sacrifice.

A rational part of me knew they were all right. But what did rationality have to do with anything when Killua might be dead? It was petty and selfish, but in that moment, I wanted to trade all those lives for his. He wouldn't have wanted that, though. I knew him.

Once I had gotten past the denial and pain, I knew what I had to do. I knew that Killua was a Jinn, as good as dead, and that I would never get him back. I had accepted it.

It had taken me five days, and now here I was.

After cleaning myself up, I slung a bag over my shoulder and walked over to the main office in the administrative building. The office wasn't open yet, so I sat on the floor in the hallway outside of it.

* * *

About twenty minutes later, the secretary showed up with the keys and let me in.

"What can I do for you?" she asked once she was seated.

I handed her a stack of papers from inside my bag. "I'm withdrawing."

Her eyes widened to impossible size. "But...what...you can't..."

I tapped the stack. "I can. It's all filled out."

Still gaping, she muttered something to me about waiting, and then scurried out of the room. A few minutes later, she returned with Headmistress Krueger. Krueger had apparently been briefed and was looking at me very disapprovingly.

"Miss Nakano, what's the meaning of this?"

"I'm leaving," I said. "Quitting. Dropping out. Whatever."

"You can't do that," she said.

"Well, obviously I can, since you guys keep withdrawal paperwork in the library. It's all filled out the way it needs to be."

Her anger changed into something sadder and more anxious. "I know a lot has gone on lately- we're all having trouble adjusting- but that's no reason to make a hasty decision. If anything, we need you more than ever." She was almost pleading.

"My decision wasn't hasty," I said. "I thought a lot about it."

"Let's at least talk this out. We need you. There are so many still injured, with diseases, and all kinds of horrible wounds." She tried to guilt trip me.

"No. This is my choice. Now, will you stamp the form, or are you actually going to try to restrain me? Pretty sure you know I could make you let me go, Krueger." I said, staring at her intently.

They stamped my packet, not happily. The secretary made a copy of the official paper that declared I was no longer a student at Kobe Academy. I'd need it to get out of the main gate.

It was a long walk to the front of the school, and the sky was red as the sun slipped over the horizon. The weather had warmed up. Spring had finally come. It made for good walking weather since I had a ways to go before I made it to the highway. From there, I'd hitchhike to New York. It was about an hour and a half's drive from Philadelphia to New York.

I could just make out the gates when I saw her. Tomi. I stopped walking and turned toward a cluster of bud-covered trees. She'd been standing in them, perfectly still, and had managed to hide so well that I hadn't realized she was practically right next to me until now. Her hair and eyes glowed in the sun, and she seemed too beautiful and too ethereal to be part of this dreary landscape.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey." She wrapped her arms around herself, cold even in her coat.

"I knew it," she said. "Ever since that day they said his body wasn't found. Something told me you'd do this. I was just waiting."

"You can read my mind now?" I asked ruefully.

"No, I can just read you. Finally. I can't believe how blind I was. I can't believe I never noticed." She glanced off at the sunrise, then turned her gaze back on me. A flash of anger in her eyes hit me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she cried. "Why didn't you tell me you loved Killua?"

I stared. I couldn't remember the last time Tomi had yelled at anyone. Loud outbursts were my thing, not hers.

"I couldn't tell anyone," I said.

"I'm your best friend, Shi! We've been through everything together. Do you really think I would have told? I would have kept it secret." She cried.

I looked at the ground. "I know you would have. I just... I don't know. I couldn't talk about it. Not even to you. I can't explain it."

"How..." She groped for the question her mind had already formed. "How serious was it? Was it just you or-?"

"It was both of us," I told her quietly. "He felt the same. But we knew we couldn't be together, not when he was supposed to be protecting you."

Tomi frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Killua always said that if we were involved, he'd worry more about protecting me than you. He couldn't do that. He was assigned to be your Guardian, not mine."

Guilt coursed through her face at the thought that she'd been responsible for keeping us apart.

"It's not your fault," I said quickly. "There just could have come a time where he would have to choose between you, the Vampir he was assigned to protect, or me, the Vampir he loved."

"Surely...there must have been a way. ... It wouldn't have been a problem..." she started.

I shrugged, unwilling to think about it all too much.

"I don't know," I said. "We just tried to stay apart. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn't."

Her eyes and aura were a tumble of emotions. She felt sorry for me, but at the same time, she was mad. "You should have told me," she repeated. "I feel like you don't trust me."

"Of course I trust you."

"Is that why you're sneaking off?" she countered.

"This has nothing to do with trust," I admitted. "It's me… I didn't want to tell you. I couldn't bear to tell you I was leaving or explain why."

"I already know," she said. "I figured it out."

"How?" I asked. Tomi was full of surprises today.

"I was there. Last fall when we took that van into New York. The shopping trip? You and Killua were there, talking about Jinns, about how becoming one makes you something twisted and evil...how it destroys the person you used to be and makes you do horrible things. And I heard…" She had trouble saying it. I had trouble hearing it, and my eyes grew wet. The memory was too harsh, thinking of sitting with him that day, back when we were first falling in love.

Tomi swallowed and continued. "I heard you both say you'd rather die than become a monster like that."

Silence fell between us. The wind picked up and blew our hair around, dark and light.

"I have to do this, Tomi. I have to do it for him."

"No," she said firmly. "You don't have to. You didn't promise him anything."

"Not in words, no. But you ... you don't understand."

"I understand that you're trying to cope and that this is as good a way as any. You need to find another way to let him go."

I shook my head. "I have to do this."

"Even if it means leaving me?"

The way she said it, the way she looked at me ... oh God. A flood of memories flitted through my mind. We'd been together since childhood. Inseparable. Bound. And yet...Killua and I had been connected too. Damn it. I'd never wanted to have to choose between them.

"I have to do this," I said yet again. "I'm sorry."

"You're supposed to go with me to college," she argued. "You're my best friend. We're supposed to be together. If you leave me…"

The ugly coil of darkness was starting to raise its head in my chest. My voice was tight when I spoke. "If I leave you, you'll find another friend. You can go to college with someone else. They'll find you another guardian, even. You're the last of the Nara family. They'll take care of you."

"But they won't be you, Shi," she said. Those luminous blue eyes held mine.

"Stop it!" I yelled, turning away. "You're my friend. Friends are supposed to always support what each other are doing!"

"Friends don't abandon each other," she snapped back. "If you were my friend, you wouldn't go."

I spun back toward her, and the rage in me exploded.

"It's not about you, okay? This time, it's about me. Not you. All my life, Tomi ... all my life, it's been the same. It's all about you, because you're the last Nara. The princess. But you know what? I want to come first. I need to take care of myself for once. I'm tired of looking out for everyone else and having to put aside what I want. Killua did that for everyone, and look what happened. He's gone. I will never hold him again. Now I owe it to him to do this. I'm sorry if it hurts you, but it's my choice!"

I'd shouted the words, not even pausing for a breath, and I hoped my voice hadn't carried to the guardians on duty at the gate.

Tomi was staring at me, shocked and hurt. Tears ran down her cheeks, and part of me shrivelled up at hurting the person who had always been by my side.

"You love him more than me," she said in a small voice, sounding very young.

"He needs me right now."

"I need you. He's gone, Shi."

"No," I said. "But he will be soon.".

"Please, Shi. Please don't leave me." She cried softly.

"I'm sorry," I said. There were no other words to offer up. "I'm sorry."

* * *

I left her there crying as I walked toward the gate. A piece of my soul had died when Killua had fallen. Turning my back on her now, I felt another piece die as well. Soon there wouldn't be anything left inside of me.

The guardians at the gate were as shocked as the secretary and Krueger had been, but there was nothing they could do.

They opened the gates and I stepped through, outside of the school's grounds and over the wards. The lines were invisible, but I felt strangely vulnerable and exposed, as if I'd leapt a great chasm.

And yet, at the same time, I felt free and in control. I started walking down the narrow road.

I stared at the long road winding off ahead of me. I sighed. This trip might take awhile.

"Then start walking, Shitsuki," I muttered to myself.

I set off, off to kill the man I loved.

* * *

_**Notes ***Please Read*** Explanations**_

**Answers to some questions readers might have:**

**Shitsuki left Killua because that was what she had been trained to do. Run. Run from the Jinns, and rely on others. She also knew that Killua wasn't going to budge on his decision, and that all she could do to help their situation was follow his orders.**

**Shitsuki is a logical person, and knows what she has to do. Her decisions are quick, and sometimes wrong. But she doesn't dwindle, and finishes what she has to do.**

**The Academy is located in Philadelphia, near the outskirts where there is barely any human contact. All humans think that Kobe Academy is a military boarding school.**

**There are three campuses on the Academy's ground. The Elementary campus, the Middle School campus, and the High School campus. There are dorms scattered around, and Shitsuki belonged to the one that Middle schoolers and High schoolers shared. That's why when she was sent up to the top floor, there were Vampirs around the age of 14-19 with her.**

**Killua moved to the Academy when he was 20, (2 years ago), from Japan to be a Guardian there for Tomi. Tomi is the last princess of the Nara family, one of the twelve royal families. Shitsuki is not part of any royal families, and her parents died due to a Jinn attack where they lived.**

**Now you might be wondering, where do all the adult Vampirs go? Well, adult Vampirs send their kids to the school to be safe. They themselves live in different areas with their own assigned Guardians. The Academy is safe because of the wards that do not let any Jinns in.**

**The wards are made from magic. When you combine Life, Death, Myth, Storm, Fire, and Ice, wards are created. Only a silver stake can break the wards. Jinns cannot hold silver stakes, or touch them.**

**Shitsuki is important to the Academy because she is one of the only Life Users. Wards are replaced every week, and they need more Life users to ensure that the wards can stay up in the future. That's why Headmistress Krueger didn't want her to leave.**

**Shitsuki is also one of the only people who can heal, so especially at that time, the Academy needed her.**

**When Shitsuki said there were "other ways" she could make Krueger let her out, she meant that she could compel her and the secretary.**

**The 12 royal family's children are actually given two Guardians each. Shitsuki is given one, or even none, since there aren't that many to go around anyway.**

**Killua and Shitsuki cannot be together because:**

**-In general, it is considered disgusting for a Vampir and a Guardian to be together. A Guardian is meant to be a shadow to a Vampir, following them and protecting them only. They aren't meant to speak to the Vampirs, let alone have an affair with them.**

**-Killua had come from Japan, specially to be a Guardian for the Princess, Hitomi. He feared that there would come a time where he would have to choose between his charge and the one he loved.**

**Also, as a side note, when a Vampir and a Guardian have a child, that child is human. Just human. This could create further complications.**

**When a Vampir and a Vampir have a child, the child is obviously a Vampir.**

**The only way to have a Guardian child is to have a Guardian and a Guardian have a child, or a Vampir and a human. Vampirs and humans rarely elope anymore, since Vampirs have hidden themselves. (If a Guardian and human have a child, the child is human.)**

"**The ugly coil of darkness" and the anger Shitsuki feels is a side effect of using Life Magic. She knows this, but she takes anti-depressant pills to keep it under control. The pills do put her farther from the magic, so she is significantly weaker when she has one. She doesn't like using them, so that's why that in the morning, she didn't use one, and easily got mad at Tomi.**

**Lastly, everyone knows that Shitsuki was in love with Killua. Well, at least most people who knew her have figured it out. But they think he is dead anyway, so Vampirs and Guardians let her down without consequences or harsh words.**

* * *

**A/N**

**Let me know through review or PMs if you have any more questions. Sorry for the long explanation.**


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